I have finished a story. And submitted it to a place. A literary type journal thing. Stay tuned. I'm sure it will be rejected any day now.
I'm going to Portmeirion this weekend. I'm very excited to see the place where The Prisoner was filmed. I think everyone has been to Portmeirion except me.
Lately I have been very adept at offending people. If you would like to be offended and therefore not have to speak to me anymore, please let me know. I would be happy to send you an offensive email, text and/or letter by post. A 140-character tweet is also do-able and will certainly be 'punchy'. Please could you specify whether you would like to be inadvertently offended by an off-color remark most likely intended as a joke, or would prefer an explosive rant full of expletives and vile commentary about your being.
Thank you.
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Mmmm Alex with no trousers....
Alex Kapranos of Franz Ferdinand fame has weakened the knees of ladies everywhere by admitting to a group trouser peeling-off session after every gig [check the comments]. Tight trousers and the resulting perspiration from jumping around under hot stage lights can't possibly be an appetizing combination, but I'm a giver. Alex: if you ever need help peeling off your trousers, do give me a call.
I thought it rather big of him to bother responding to one short girl's pissy complaints about sound quality when the 11,870,987 other fans at the gig were having such a good time and thought they sounded fine [but she knows, she's been to enough gigs to know better than all of us!]. She seems doubtful as to whether the real Alex has provided this comment. I think yes. I'm going to trust Alex, his conscience, the band, the universe, the goodness of humans everywhere and actively choose to believe that Alex really is that nice.
For a more balanced but predictably dull review of the gig, check out city life.
I thought it rather big of him to bother responding to one short girl's pissy complaints about sound quality when the 11,870,987 other fans at the gig were having such a good time and thought they sounded fine [but she knows, she's been to enough gigs to know better than all of us!]. She seems doubtful as to whether the real Alex has provided this comment. I think yes. I'm going to trust Alex, his conscience, the band, the universe, the goodness of humans everywhere and actively choose to believe that Alex really is that nice.
For a more balanced but predictably dull review of the gig, check out city life.
Saturday, 7 March 2009
DONK
A blurb before I tackle the Kitchen of Doom. There's a really interesting documentary series about DONK posted on vbs.tv -- click here my peeps.
If you don't know, DONK is '150 bpm hardcore rave music', originating from Bolton*. I would rather eat my hair than listen to it for more than 20 seconds, but the documentary is really interesting in terms of how music scenes originate.
I love how the kidz call everything 'sick'. Or is it 'sic'. Cracks me up.
*Americans-only geography lesson: Bolton is 10 miles northwest of Manchester.
If you don't know, DONK is '150 bpm hardcore rave music', originating from Bolton*. I would rather eat my hair than listen to it for more than 20 seconds, but the documentary is really interesting in terms of how music scenes originate.
I love how the kidz call everything 'sick'. Or is it 'sic'. Cracks me up.
*Americans-only geography lesson: Bolton is 10 miles northwest of Manchester.
Monday, 2 March 2009
night of the ting
Friends, on my latest manotastrope:
You need to block this asshole. Wash him out of your hair. Just tell him to fuck off.
I'm not sure to give points for straightforward honesty or just kick him in the tenders on general principle. I think kicking is in order. A 4am text is not even a Z game. Do you have a boot preference? Steel-toe, spiked, ... etc?
Men are rubbish. Texting is rubbish. Men + texting = landfill.
(Two of those three are from guys. Just saying.)
I appreciate the (successful) attempts to make me laugh. Another story is notched on the bedpost.
++++++++++++++++
Thanks to a lazy perfectionist, I was given free tickets to the ting tings. I believe it's currently uncool to like the ting tongs. Fuck you backlashers! The ting things make me smile! I have a crush on Katie!
Martin and I had seats in the second row of the Apollo balcony. Perfect, I'm too old to stand downstairs with the kidz. The twing bings are a dream duet. High energy, charming, adorable. But I think maybe we had more fun watching the audience. You know, children who dragged along their parents.
This 10-year-old boy was in front of me. His mother had not one bone of rhythm in her body. I felt his anguish when she danced.
These girls behind us were stood up dancing the whole time. Go girlies!
Yeah I'm at the ting tings with my daughters. God help me.
You need to block this asshole. Wash him out of your hair. Just tell him to fuck off.
I'm not sure to give points for straightforward honesty or just kick him in the tenders on general principle. I think kicking is in order. A 4am text is not even a Z game. Do you have a boot preference? Steel-toe, spiked, ... etc?
Men are rubbish. Texting is rubbish. Men + texting = landfill.
(Two of those three are from guys. Just saying.)
I appreciate the (successful) attempts to make me laugh. Another story is notched on the bedpost.
++++++++++++++++
Thanks to a lazy perfectionist, I was given free tickets to the ting tings. I believe it's currently uncool to like the ting tongs. Fuck you backlashers! The ting things make me smile! I have a crush on Katie!
Martin and I had seats in the second row of the Apollo balcony. Perfect, I'm too old to stand downstairs with the kidz. The twing bings are a dream duet. High energy, charming, adorable. But I think maybe we had more fun watching the audience. You know, children who dragged along their parents.
This 10-year-old boy was in front of me. His mother had not one bone of rhythm in her body. I felt his anguish when she danced.
These girls behind us were stood up dancing the whole time. Go girlies!
Yeah I'm at the ting tings with my daughters. God help me.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Monday, 23 February 2009
would you like me to take your picture, hmmmm?
I need to shoot a series for my photography class. I would like to do a set of portraits of bloggers. In my head they will be styled....perhaps Leibowitzy-like, but much sillier. I have some bloggers in mind to approach, but if you are a blogger and wouldn't mind helping me out then please do get in touch:
dsteinway (at) yahoo.com
Don't be shy now! I promise it will be a fun experience and you'll end up with a wicked picture.
Blogging is such an interesting community and yet, as bloggers, we hide behind screens and computers. I know I do. And I hate having my picture taken. Which is why I'd like to do this, I think.
dsteinway (at) yahoo.com
Don't be shy now! I promise it will be a fun experience and you'll end up with a wicked picture.
Blogging is such an interesting community and yet, as bloggers, we hide behind screens and computers. I know I do. And I hate having my picture taken. Which is why I'd like to do this, I think.
Sunday, 22 February 2009
the weekend
There was a girl named Natalie at the Deaf Institute on Friday. Leon knew her. She had black hair, wore dark red lipstick and did not smell fresh as a daisy. She wanted to know why Mark wasn't drinking. I'm on tablets at the moment, he said. I don't have cunt cancer, she replied. She is no longer Natalie. She is The Cunt Cancer Lady.
+++++++++++++++
We drove to Matlock for no other reason that to drive to Matlock. We stopped in Buxton and went into every charity shop on the high street. Mark bought Paradise Lost and that Ukranian tractor book, I found a set of multicolored wooden blocks with letters and words on them. P is for Panda. Q is for Quoth. C is for Cat. U is for USA (What?). Matlock was too cold and windy, Mark didn't feel well so we only stayed a bit. But before we left I found three French tins labelled sucre, chicoree and cafe in the Antiques Centre. I love French tins.
+++++++++++++++
My good friend and now twice a co-worker Adam writes science fiction. He's about halfway through his first novel, Dark Heart. More importantly, his prequel novella, The Devil in Chains, will hopefully be released as an ipod/itunes ebook download very soon. He asked me to take his author photograph last week and here we go. I get a credit and everything in his soon-to-be best seller. Unfortunately I misplaced my lens cap during the process. Dropped it I mean. I think. So if you're out wandering out near Macclesfield, in that little park near the Audi dealer, and find a Nikon lens cap, please be a pal and send it along. PS: if you are a writer-in-process and need a photograph taken for your soon-to-be bestseller, do get in touch. I had a great time shooting Adam. I believe styling his scarf was the highlight.
+++++++++++++++
If you want something done, ask a busy man. I mentioned this to Graham (above, as Edward Scissorhands) when he told me how much more efficient he had become since he started commuting to Leeds. He has no more time to waffle about. He got my meaning but said he'd never heard this expression. Then Nick and Murph accused me of making up Americanisms. I I I did not! Honest honest! And it's true isn't it?
+++++++++++++++
If you want to see some nice young man buttocks, check this out.
+++++++++++++++
I've started a photography class at MMU. There are far too many peeps enrolled for any one of us to learn anything truly useful. Still, I will attend, as is my duty after paying one hundred and fifty smackers for such a privilege. Our first homework was to take a picture after the class and definitely before we went to bed. I wanted to capture the messiness that is my house. It's out of control. I snapped the above without much thought, without checking my settings --- which were still in place from snapping Adam the Author. But I like it. Then I 'tried' to take another one. A better one. And I couldn't. I always find it a teeny bit fascinating when not thinking works out better than overthinking.
+++++++++++++++
I like learning new things. It makes me excited and happy. A few Salfordonian Slanglish phrases I learnt this weekend:
She's a right rumcunt == She's alright
Did you get your tear? == Did you get laid?
Big hat == medal, as in the sarcastic-tical phrase 'What do you want, a big hat?'
To be fair, I'm not sure if these are Salfordian-specific or just Mark-specific. But! I do think Salford accents are amongst the best in England. Only on men. They make women sound like prostitutes.
+++++++++++++++
We drove to Matlock for no other reason that to drive to Matlock. We stopped in Buxton and went into every charity shop on the high street. Mark bought Paradise Lost and that Ukranian tractor book, I found a set of multicolored wooden blocks with letters and words on them. P is for Panda. Q is for Quoth. C is for Cat. U is for USA (What?). Matlock was too cold and windy, Mark didn't feel well so we only stayed a bit. But before we left I found three French tins labelled sucre, chicoree and cafe in the Antiques Centre. I love French tins.
+++++++++++++++
My good friend and now twice a co-worker Adam writes science fiction. He's about halfway through his first novel, Dark Heart. More importantly, his prequel novella, The Devil in Chains, will hopefully be released as an ipod/itunes ebook download very soon. He asked me to take his author photograph last week and here we go. I get a credit and everything in his soon-to-be best seller. Unfortunately I misplaced my lens cap during the process. Dropped it I mean. I think. So if you're out wandering out near Macclesfield, in that little park near the Audi dealer, and find a Nikon lens cap, please be a pal and send it along. PS: if you are a writer-in-process and need a photograph taken for your soon-to-be bestseller, do get in touch. I had a great time shooting Adam. I believe styling his scarf was the highlight.
+++++++++++++++
If you want something done, ask a busy man. I mentioned this to Graham (above, as Edward Scissorhands) when he told me how much more efficient he had become since he started commuting to Leeds. He has no more time to waffle about. He got my meaning but said he'd never heard this expression. Then Nick and Murph accused me of making up Americanisms. I I I did not! Honest honest! And it's true isn't it?
+++++++++++++++
If you want to see some nice young man buttocks, check this out.
+++++++++++++++
I've started a photography class at MMU. There are far too many peeps enrolled for any one of us to learn anything truly useful. Still, I will attend, as is my duty after paying one hundred and fifty smackers for such a privilege. Our first homework was to take a picture after the class and definitely before we went to bed. I wanted to capture the messiness that is my house. It's out of control. I snapped the above without much thought, without checking my settings --- which were still in place from snapping Adam the Author. But I like it. Then I 'tried' to take another one. A better one. And I couldn't. I always find it a teeny bit fascinating when not thinking works out better than overthinking.
+++++++++++++++
I like learning new things. It makes me excited and happy. A few Salfordonian Slanglish phrases I learnt this weekend:
She's a right rumcunt == She's alright
Did you get your tear? == Did you get laid?
Big hat == medal, as in the sarcastic-tical phrase 'What do you want, a big hat?'
To be fair, I'm not sure if these are Salfordian-specific or just Mark-specific. But! I do think Salford accents are amongst the best in England. Only on men. They make women sound like prostitutes.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Monday, 9 February 2009
Internet dating messages I have received, no. 5
I feel slightly guilty posting this. Only slightly. I think maybe he's a sweet person. But his message is also stinking of desperation and I'm nearly positive he's cut, pasted and sent this monstrosity to any girl in a 20-mile radius (sooo flattering). Abuse of exclamation mark is one of my pet hates, not to mention he's calling himself The Mermaid. If you are a man who likes woman parts, then please do not create a username of the half-naked-female-plus-fish variety. Serious. You might also avoid names like: unicorn_lover, RainbowsRule, LikesUrKnickers, barbie-doll and kittensNpuppies. I still can't decide if the fact that he owns hair straighteners is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I don't have any. We could share. But then I think this information is best reserved for....later. Much much later.
Hello how are you??
I'm [The Mermaid]. you are???
Your rather lovely!! :-))
i am writing to you in the hope that you may find me rather lovely too!!??!! :-))
I'll apologize in advance for all the LOL'S however i do laugh a lot and smile a lot!! Its good!! It has to be better than being miserable! Unenthusiastic! not smiling alot!! or not laughing a lot!....lol!!! Wouldn't you agree? :-))
regarding your ideal match and me! :-))
I'm generous-
Creative-
Positive!
i have attained the necessary life skills. i have learned from my experiences and mistakes whether those where good, great, amazing or rubbish! lol! making me more off a complete person! how about you??
i'm kind, caring, upbeat! FUN!
I am an honest, open minded, easygoing person who enjoys trying new things, seeing new places! how about you??
I have an interest in the world and would like to see a lot more off it when i find the correct companion! You?
I much prefer someone to have an opinion, even if it's the opposite of mine, than not having anything to say. - how about you??
I'm an excellent conversationalist as well as a great listener! i don't think that I'd be a boring dinner date or a person to be around! you???
I am into music, gigs, festivals, theatre, cinema, comedians, shows, the zoo! ha! count me in for those pls! you???
i have a good occupation/career based in Manchester. you??
i will make you lovely cups of tea with just the right amount of milk and or sugar and pour you drinks upon your request, without you having to move!! ha!! you will especially appreciate those skills on "duvet" or "lie in" days!! ha!!
You can be in charge of the TV remote control!!! lol!!
i'll run you a bath after a hard day!! ha!
i keep fit and look after myself. You will not have to get the doorways widened to accommodate my beer and kebab belly!!! lol! (cue the fat b-word scene from Austin Powers... "do you like my sexy body" ha!! .. fear not there will be plenty of room for you on the sofa!! actually i'm a bit of a girl when it comes to my appearance..... i have my very own GHD Mk4's and one or two other items!!! ha!! not to mention my manbag!! i'm JOKING ... about the handbag! I''d have thought that you'll pleased that i make an effort towards my appearance?!! :-)) how about you??
I'm very polite, sensitive towards people feelings and kind to people who are less fortunate!! and to waiters...especially with my tips!!!! ha!!! you?
I enjoy indulging in pleasure and the finer things in life @ the appropriate times, as i work very hard to achieve those!! however i am equally as comfortable being in dress down, or simply staying in and creating our own pleasurable evening! i usually prefer dress down chilled out good music laid back zero pretense kind of places. That does not mean that i wouldn't go somewhere upmarket, or attend a ball, or put on a tuxedo or a suit!! lol! or always have to be in jeans and trainers! lol!! how about you??
It maybe that we are @ a particular juncture in our lives, where we are both looking for identical things and share the same values and interests?? It could be that we have ended up in an identical or similar situation for similar reasons!? :-))
Ok let me think about the way forward here .....
I appreciate there has to be a basis or a foundation for a friendship, or a relationship, or for you to want to get to know me, or to meet me!! lol!!:-))
Right! I know!!
There is an overview of me on here off course, which frankly is impossible to get completely accurate!! or state every minute little detail about me, my interests, my life and loves!! ... and i'm not very photogenic!! lol!! gr8! NOT!!
i have gone with stating musical interests and recent travels!! Thereafter, there wasn't much room left to write about anything else!! lol!! i can assure you that there is a lot more to me than merely musical interests and recent places visited!!
One of the difficulties is that there could be a detail or facts that i have not written about me, due to a lack of space! lol! that you may find appealing or attractive!? lol!!
Oh what the hell i suppose its the same for everyone else and that's exactly where having an open mind will play a part!
Do you know what i am wittering on about? cos i don't! ha!!! lol
Pls have a look @ lovely me!! pls advise your thoughts! :-)) ha!! thank you!!
oh and i have recently celebrated my birthday so i now expect you to sing your very own rendition of happy birthday to me pls in your best karaoke or school choir voice!! lol! .. .. its ok nobody's listening!! lol!!
OK Enough about me now! ha!! i'd like know about you pls! :-)) i will ask you more questions in order to get to know you when you reply!! :-))
*SMILE LOTS*
take care
[The Mermaid]
PS.
I have just secured tickets for OASIS KASABIAN!! + Franz Ferdinand + Kaiser Chiefs + Razorlight! i've just been to see Bloc Party and they were quality!!!! you are welcome to accompany me .... assuming you like any of those bands???
I believe that Life is too short! and that Life is what YOU make it!!
It would certainly be adventurous, humorous, pleasurable, FUN and it may lead to depth, meaning and significance!!! :-))
PPS ... lol!!!
If i don't hear from you, I will assume that I am not your style! lol!!...
..... however you are making a very grave error! a huge mistake! haha!!
Have a wonderful 2009!! I genuinely wish you well for the future and the
best off luck in finding your Mr Right :-))
TAKE CARE
****** SMILE LOTS ******
Hello how are you??
I'm [The Mermaid]. you are???
Your rather lovely!! :-))
i am writing to you in the hope that you may find me rather lovely too!!??!! :-))
I'll apologize in advance for all the LOL'S however i do laugh a lot and smile a lot!! Its good!! It has to be better than being miserable! Unenthusiastic! not smiling alot!! or not laughing a lot!....lol!!! Wouldn't you agree? :-))
regarding your ideal match and me! :-))
I'm generous-
Creative-
Positive!
i have attained the necessary life skills. i have learned from my experiences and mistakes whether those where good, great, amazing or rubbish! lol! making me more off a complete person! how about you??
i'm kind, caring, upbeat! FUN!
I am an honest, open minded, easygoing person who enjoys trying new things, seeing new places! how about you??
I have an interest in the world and would like to see a lot more off it when i find the correct companion! You?
I much prefer someone to have an opinion, even if it's the opposite of mine, than not having anything to say. - how about you??
I'm an excellent conversationalist as well as a great listener! i don't think that I'd be a boring dinner date or a person to be around! you???
I am into music, gigs, festivals, theatre, cinema, comedians, shows, the zoo! ha! count me in for those pls! you???
i have a good occupation/career based in Manchester. you??
i will make you lovely cups of tea with just the right amount of milk and or sugar and pour you drinks upon your request, without you having to move!! ha!! you will especially appreciate those skills on "duvet" or "lie in" days!! ha!!
You can be in charge of the TV remote control!!! lol!!
i'll run you a bath after a hard day!! ha!
i keep fit and look after myself. You will not have to get the doorways widened to accommodate my beer and kebab belly!!! lol! (cue the fat b-word scene from Austin Powers... "do you like my sexy body" ha!! .. fear not there will be plenty of room for you on the sofa!! actually i'm a bit of a girl when it comes to my appearance..... i have my very own GHD Mk4's and one or two other items!!! ha!! not to mention my manbag!! i'm JOKING ... about the handbag! I''d have thought that you'll pleased that i make an effort towards my appearance?!! :-)) how about you??
I'm very polite, sensitive towards people feelings and kind to people who are less fortunate!! and to waiters...especially with my tips!!!! ha!!! you?
I enjoy indulging in pleasure and the finer things in life @ the appropriate times, as i work very hard to achieve those!! however i am equally as comfortable being in dress down, or simply staying in and creating our own pleasurable evening! i usually prefer dress down chilled out good music laid back zero pretense kind of places. That does not mean that i wouldn't go somewhere upmarket, or attend a ball, or put on a tuxedo or a suit!! lol! or always have to be in jeans and trainers! lol!! how about you??
It maybe that we are @ a particular juncture in our lives, where we are both looking for identical things and share the same values and interests?? It could be that we have ended up in an identical or similar situation for similar reasons!? :-))
Ok let me think about the way forward here .....
I appreciate there has to be a basis or a foundation for a friendship, or a relationship, or for you to want to get to know me, or to meet me!! lol!!:-))
Right! I know!!
There is an overview of me on here off course, which frankly is impossible to get completely accurate!! or state every minute little detail about me, my interests, my life and loves!! ... and i'm not very photogenic!! lol!! gr8! NOT!!
i have gone with stating musical interests and recent travels!! Thereafter, there wasn't much room left to write about anything else!! lol!! i can assure you that there is a lot more to me than merely musical interests and recent places visited!!
One of the difficulties is that there could be a detail or facts that i have not written about me, due to a lack of space! lol! that you may find appealing or attractive!? lol!!
Oh what the hell i suppose its the same for everyone else and that's exactly where having an open mind will play a part!
Do you know what i am wittering on about? cos i don't! ha!!! lol
Pls have a look @ lovely me!! pls advise your thoughts! :-)) ha!! thank you!!
oh and i have recently celebrated my birthday so i now expect you to sing your very own rendition of happy birthday to me pls in your best karaoke or school choir voice!! lol! .. .. its ok nobody's listening!! lol!!
OK Enough about me now! ha!! i'd like know about you pls! :-)) i will ask you more questions in order to get to know you when you reply!! :-))
*SMILE LOTS*
take care
[The Mermaid]
PS.
I have just secured tickets for OASIS KASABIAN!! + Franz Ferdinand + Kaiser Chiefs + Razorlight! i've just been to see Bloc Party and they were quality!!!! you are welcome to accompany me .... assuming you like any of those bands???
I believe that Life is too short! and that Life is what YOU make it!!
It would certainly be adventurous, humorous, pleasurable, FUN and it may lead to depth, meaning and significance!!! :-))
PPS ... lol!!!
If i don't hear from you, I will assume that I am not your style! lol!!...
..... however you are making a very grave error! a huge mistake! haha!!
Have a wonderful 2009!! I genuinely wish you well for the future and the
best off luck in finding your Mr Right :-))
TAKE CARE
****** SMILE LOTS ******
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