the weekend

There was a girl named Natalie at the Deaf Institute on Friday. Leon knew her. She had black hair, wore dark red lipstick and did not smell fresh as a daisy. She wanted to know why Mark wasn't drinking. I'm on tablets at the moment, he said. I don't have cunt cancer, she replied. She is no longer Natalie. She is The Cunt Cancer Lady.

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We drove to Matlock for no other reason that to drive to Matlock. We stopped in Buxton and went into every charity shop on the high street. Mark bought Paradise Lost and that Ukranian tractor book, I found a set of multicolored wooden blocks with letters and words on them. P is for Panda. Q is for Quoth. C is for Cat. U is for USA (What?). Matlock was too cold and windy, Mark didn't feel well so we only stayed a bit. But before we left I found three French tins labelled sucre, chicoree and cafe in the Antiques Centre. I love French tins.

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My good friend and now twice a co-worker Adam writes science fiction. He's about halfway through his first novel, Dark Heart. More importantly, his prequel novella, The Devil in Chains, will hopefully be released as an ipod/itunes ebook download very soon. He asked me to take his author photograph last week and here we go. I get a credit and everything in his soon-to-be best seller. Unfortunately I misplaced my lens cap during the process. Dropped it I mean. I think. So if you're out wandering out near Macclesfield, in that little park near the Audi dealer, and find a Nikon lens cap, please be a pal and send it along. PS: if you are a writer-in-process and need a photograph taken for your soon-to-be bestseller, do get in touch. I had a great time shooting Adam. I believe styling his scarf was the highlight.

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If you want something done, ask a busy man. I mentioned this to Graham (above, as Edward Scissorhands) when he told me how much more efficient he had become since he started commuting to Leeds. He has no more time to waffle about. He got my meaning but said he'd never heard this expression. Then Nick and Murph accused me of making up Americanisms. I I I did not! Honest honest! And it's true isn't it?

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If you want to see some nice young man buttocks, check this out.

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I've started a photography class at MMU. There are far too many peeps enrolled for any one of us to learn anything truly useful. Still, I will attend, as is my duty after paying one hundred and fifty smackers for such a privilege. Our first homework was to take a picture after the class and definitely before we went to bed. I wanted to capture the messiness that is my house. It's out of control. I snapped the above without much thought, without checking my settings --- which were still in place from snapping Adam the Author. But I like it. Then I 'tried' to take another one. A better one. And I couldn't. I always find it a teeny bit fascinating when not thinking works out better than overthinking.

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I like learning new things. It makes me excited and happy. A few Salfordonian Slanglish phrases I learnt this weekend:

She's a right rumcunt == She's alright
Did you get your tear? == Did you get laid?
Big hat == medal, as in the sarcastic-tical phrase 'What do you want, a big hat?'

To be fair, I'm not sure if these are Salfordian-specific or just Mark-specific. But! I do think Salford accents are amongst the best in England. Only on men. They make women sound like prostitutes.